All Family is Insane
by SageK
Summary: Written for the Ryan & Esposito Secret Santa Fan Fic Exchange.  For remorsful rain


"Dear God, please tell me you can break whatever plans you have for this weekend!"

Early on a Thursday morning, only halfway through his first cup of coffee, all Javier Esposito could do was blink in his nearly frantic partner and ask, "What?"

Kevin Ryan was staring at him, wide-eyed and way too alert for anyone to be before eight o'clock in morning. His increasingly common uniform of jeans, a light colored button down, tie, waistcoat and suit jacket were tidy as ever, but his hair had that distinctive air of slightly, manic freak out.

It wasn't a bad look on the younger detective, but no way was Javi going to say that out loud.

"Are you free this weekend?"

Since Kevin looked about 2 seconds away from grabbing Javi by his shirt front and looming very close ( not a bad image, but not one to be indulged in at the precinct house), Javi simply said, "Yeah, why?"

"Family reunion," Kevin replied bleakly, then did that thing where he made his eyes get even bigger than they usually were and asked beseechingly, " Come with me? Please?"

Javi knew he had to develop some immunity to that look, but so far he's only succeeded in making his susceptibility less than obvious. At least he hoped he wasn't too obvious. "Uh, sure bro, but wouldn't it be better to take Jenny? You know, your girlfriend."

He didn't particularly want to make that suggestion, but it was the one societal norms expected him to make.

With a shake of his head, Kevin replied, "If she was still my girlfriend, sure."

"Oh, sorry man," Javi said, truly sorry for the break up… well, sorry for any heart ache said breakup had caused his partner. "What happened?"

Kevin sighed. "Jenny… well, turns out she was in love with one of her coworkers."

Ouch. "That's rough."

"Nah," he surprised Javi by saying. "I'm happy for her and Linda. It's tough being afraid to be yourself, being afraid of being with the person you love is whatever the world assumes you should be. If that makes any sense."

As Kevin gave a little self-deprecating laugh Javi consider the fact that he did indeed know how that felt. He also knew he was not going to have that conversation here. Giving a generic mumbled agreement, he then asked, "So, the family reunion. Big?"

As they made their way to their desks, Kevin nodded, clearly weary. "Big is an understatement. Hell, I couldn't pick most of my distant relatives out of a lineup. People on dad's side of the family have been here for generations and they've multiplied. He and Mum are considered slackers probably having the five of us."

Javi knew Kevin had four sisters, all older, all married and all with kids of their own. If that was considered a small family…yikes. And stereotypes said Hispanic families were large.

"Any of them live locally, 'sides your sisters and folks?"

It seemed a good question considering the lineup comment.

"No," Kevin said, sitting down and taking a big swig of… tea. Yup, T. is Kevin's stressed out comfort drink of choice. "We're totally the black sheep of the family. Everyone else landed in Boston and headed north when the city life got too much. Mum and dad bucked tradition and went straight from the Aran Isles to New York. Most everyone else has been living in northern Maine for at least three generations."

A bunch of folks from rural Maine blues in New York City for a weekend sounded like the basis of a bad comedy. Blinking, Javi grinned, "Ever been up there?"

Kevin, like Javi, was a city boy. Unlike Javi, he never had a survival training one learned in the Corps. The image of Kevin in the woods, looking for a subway was amusing.

"Sure," Kevin replied with a shrug. " My cousin Fi took me out for a drink. There was a live squirrel in the bar. I was the only one who found that odd."

"Really?" he mostly succeeded in keeping the laughter out of his voice. Kevin just looked at him, so he continued, "I see. Interesting. Anything else I should know?"

In truth, he just wanted to hear more 'Kevin surrounded by way too much nature and feeling out of place' stories. More stories about insane relatives were good too.

"Don't drink from any bottle Shannon with the facial piercing hands you. She opens beers with her armpit. She'll offer you cigarettes as well, even if you don't smoke, 'cause she likes to shock people by pulling them out of her bra."

This weekend was sounding better by the minute.

* * *

Castle was going to be so jealous that he missed out on this. Sure, half of the people at the Ryan/Healy family reunion were perfectly normal. But the other half… hell, Castle could probably base a whole new series of books on them. Or at least turn them into colorful and interesting supporting characters.

The massive number of photo albums, wielded by any number of female relatives, were totally expected and they seemed delighted to point out any and all embarrassing pictures of Kevin. So Kevin's mom and a couple of aunts had provided Javi with enough blackmail material to last for years. They'd even offered to scan and email copies of some of his favorites.

Gotta love living in the computer age.

"Oh, here's one of Kevin and Brendan when they were just babies!" Auntie Brigid (as she had insisted Javi call her) exclaimed pointing to a picture of two little boys sitting in waist, high bubbly water, each clutching a tiny toy boat. It made Javi grin to discover his partner had nearly blond hair as a child, only darkening as he reached his teens. Apparently this was a common occurrence in the Ryan family.

Javi didn't think he'd ever been surrounded by this many pale, shockingly blue eyed brunettes before. Occasionally, amidst the masses, he'd catch a glimpse of someone who stuck out, clearly having married into the family.

At the moment, Javi could see Kevin standing in a little huddle with his sisters, Karan, Kelly, Katie and Kalin, one of his nephews, Padraig, Javi thought it was, sitting on his shoulders and an unidentifiable niece clinging to his leg. It was kind of cute, seeing how much the kids clearly adored Kevin (and he them) and Javi tried not to let too much affection show on his features.

He grinned politely at the picture Brigid was indicating as another woman, small and probably in her 70's plopped onto the bench beside him. "Who'd this be then, Brig?" she asked, giving Javi a nod and a measuring look.

"Javier's Little Kevin's partner," Brigid said placidly, then sighed as something off to the side caught her eye. Three random young men had amassed an impressive number of beer pitchers and appeared to be filling them with Jameson's. One held a bottle of Coke, possibly to mix with the liquor, but he was quickly stared down by the others who…damn, they were sticking a straw into each pitcher.

"The boys are at it again, I see," the older woman said, then looked back at Javi. "Kevin's partner. I'm his great aunt Noreen. He's looking a bit thin."

Javi blinked, not expecting that comment. Glancing over at Kevin, who was looking a little to amused to see him pinned between the two older women. "I know," he finally replied, giving Noreen a shrug, as if to ask 'what can I do?'. "He does eat though."

She just glowered. "He needs to be looked after…."

"Come on gran," a younger voice interrupted. The owner was a teenage girl with a smattering of freckles and Kevin's eyes. "You know none of us keep the weight on."

The older woman gave a disgruntled huff, then said, "I suppose. Einin, this is Javier. Kevin's partner."

Nodding, the girl said, "I know. Kev asked me to come get him. Collin and Eamon are planning to steal a horse from one of those carriages in the park and Kev wants some back up."

"On your way then, dearie," Noreen immediately said, giving Javi a little push and he was pretty sure she patted him on the bum as he rose.

Einin caught his hand to tow him through the throngs of people. "There's no horse emergency," the girl said. "Kevin just wanted to save you from gran."

"Thank God," Javi breathed, then looked at her. "Won't that get Collin and…the other one in trouble with your gran?"

She snorted. "Please, there are like fifteen Collins in the room and seven Eamons. Also, so you know, everyone thinks you and Kevin are partner partners, no matter what Kev tells them. Course, it doesn't help that you two are in love with each other. But anyhow, he's over there…Oh joy, Liam found the other kegs. Gotta run."

Bouncing off in a small cloud of peppermint, Einin left Javi standing, frozen, to contemplate what she'd said.

Kevin's family thought they were together.

And had no problem with that.

And, apparently, Kevin didn't mind either.

Huh.

A few feet away, Kevin met his gaze over the heads of several of his relatives and grinned in a way that made Javi return the smile.

So, in addition to meeting some of Kevin's more…colorful relatives, this reunion was proving to be informative as well as fun.


End file.
